FIJI’S military regime is praising a foreign online subeditor’s decision to put G20 and Fiji in the same headline.
Regime spokesman Left-Right Lewena said it was indeed a great honour for Fiji to be put on the same pedsetal, pedetsal, I mean stage, as such an important group as the G20.
“It is indeed an honour for Fiji to be put of the same pedsetal, pedetsal, I mean stage, as such an important group as the G20,” Lewena said.
“It is an honour because it is not often that a country as small as ours receives this type of allocade, alcoclade, I mean praise.
“What makes this award even more special is the fact that the headline appeared in the online version of a Kwiwi, Kwikwi, I mean, a New Zealand newspaper called the New Zealand Herald,” Lewena said.
“New Zealand, as you are well aware, has been a big critic of the [Fiji] Government. But this headline proves to [Prime Minister John] Key and them that there are actually people from that country who refuse to toe the official government line.
“That might come as a surprise to them but that is the truth.”
He said the regime was doing all it could to find the identity of the headline-writer so he could be bestowed with the newly created Distinguished Idealists’ Salutary Order award. There were also plans to give the clever glorified manual spellchecker an honorary Ratu title.
But regime opponents, being the quick-witted nonconformists that they are, have been err, quick to denounce the award, especially Lewena’s gender-specific reference to the subeditor and the suggestion that only a male would think of putting G20 and Fiji in the same sentence.
“What if the subeditor was actually female?” well-know dissenter Ray Jimi Kirtic said. “Would she not qualify for the DIS Order medal? And how would she actually feel if she was called ‘Ratu’?”
Adding weight to this criticism is the fact that the article was not full of praise but scathing of Fiji and several members of the G20 for their human rights violations.
“It probably means that Lewena did not understand what he was actually reading,” Kirtic said. “That’s not a surprise and is actually typical of the regime’s tendency to inaccurately begin reading from the wrong side of the page.
“Unfortunately for Lewena, he did not actually decipher the rest of the headline which actually said ‘Human rights report attacks Fiji, G20’,” Kirtic said.
Lewena remained dismissive though, accusing critics like Kirtic of overusing the adverb “actually” and being “hypercritical”. “See, I can use big words too. But the fact is Fiji is in elite company. How many countries can claim to epitomise whatever this report was about?
“Come on, how many? I only have these many fingers so I can’t count any higher.”
A non-gender specific representative of Fiji Uncensored said the website was also hoping to receive a DIS Order and a traditional honorary title because it too had managed to cleverly use Fiji and G20 in its headline, although not necessarily in that order so as not to confuse Lewena. – fiji uncensored